Before I give you a few tips on managing your grief during the holidays, I want to help you understand how grief works and what it can look like . In addition to understanding the 5 stages of grief, there is also a dual processing model of coping. The idea behind this model is that a healthy experience in grief is made up of oscillation between two sides. This is what that looks like. In the loss oriented side you have the loss you’ve experienced, on the restoration side is your present/future.
When your loss is recent, and grief is acute. Grievers report It can feel very chaotic and out of control and that is because they are moving between the two sides and that can feel like this. They are wanting to be with what was but not having access to that, and life pushing them to the present future and having to face all the stuff there is to come. For early grievers P/F side can feel very uncomfortable almost like betrayal. Over time the oscillation slows down due to the grievers learning about a term called “dosing”. Dosing is the ability to connect with and then set aside the pain and experiences associated with their loss. Grievers will become more comfortable in their swinging/oscillation.
My goal in grief counseling is to help clients be able to land and be comfortable in the middle, it’s what we call the messy middle.
From the middle they can still access reminders of their loss and connect to the past when it brings them comfort to do so. And also face the demands and challenges of present and future when they need to.
In closing, I now want to give you some tips on managing this grief during the holidays. keeping this visual as a reference and now understanding the dual processing model of coping; it’s important to be in tune with yourself and your needs, connect with people who love and support you , honor your loved one through some creative exercises, set realistic expectations for yourself, be patient and kind with yourself, allow yourself some grace and take breaks, despite the temptation, try not to avoid “cancelling” holiday events. Allow yourself to feel the joy, the sadness, the anger-allow yourself to grieve around people that love and support you.
Thank you for tuning in, I hope this helps. If you or a loved one is grieving and you want to connect with a therapist that can understand and help through the grief, contact us at The Vine Wellness Group. Thank you!
Written by Lennie Rodriguez, LMFT (click here for BIO)
Too make an appointment: www.thevinewellness.com/contact
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